Lipstick on Your White Collar
by joy2190
Summary: Neal is planning to make a quick killing in an office bet but it looks like he's heading for a fate far worse than super max.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: White Collar belongs to USA Network and Jeff Eastin.

Thanks to my beta **mam711** for proofreading this story after the fact.

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><p><strong>LIPSTICK ON YOUR WHITE COLLAR<strong>

The stipend Neal Caffrey received as a Criminal Consultant was risible, as he was still serving his sentence as a convicted felon. Despite his best efforts at frugal living he always finished the month with cents instead of dollars left over. Just how he was going to pay for any Christmas gifts was a problem he was mulling over while sitting in the agents' bullpen waiting for Peter to return from his meeting across town.

Slowly a smug grin spread across his face; he was having an Aha moment, as Elizabeth Burke would quote from Oprah. "Jones, could you spot me $20 until lunch?" he asked his colleague.

Agent Clinton Jones had grown close to Neal over the three years they had been working together. He knew Neal struggled to make ends meet financially and was always willing to lend him cash when asked. Despite his history as a thief, Neal had never defaulted on a personal loan, and no matter how negligible an amount, he was sure to pay it back on time. "If you want a latte, I'd be happy to treat you when I go on the coffee run later," Jones generously offered.

"No, thanks," Neal replied. "It's for something else; I have a plan." Jones handed over the bill with a shrug and Neal headed out of the White Collar Crime Unit to his favorite florist nearby.

Matt was sole supplier of floral arrangements for Burke Premiere Events, Elizabeth's company. He was happy to see Neal as he came bounding into the store, cappuccino in hand. "Morning, Matt; this is for you," Neal said, cheerfully handing over the coffee.

"Thanks," the florist replied. "Always a pleasure to see you, Neal. Does Elizabeth need something urgently?"

"No, no panic. I'm here for myself today," Neal replied.

"Something for your latest crush?" Matt asked mischievously.

"Could be, I guess." Neal answered with a sly smile. "I need a small mistletoe bouquet for the office."

"I should have known!" Matt laughed. "Anyone in particular you're hoping to catch unawares beneath it?"

"As long as it's no one with a five o'clock shadow, I'm good!" Neal replied impishly.

Matt grinned as he selected a pretty sprig of mistletoe decorated with a white and gold ribbon and handed it over. "How about this one—not too showy, ideal for an office ambush?"

"Perfect." Neal handed over the rest of his cash and took the brown sack with the bouquet inside.

Back at the office he made a grand show of balancing on his swivel chair in order to fix the mistletoe over the entrance door to the Unit. Agent Diana Berrigan giggled as she watched him. "Who are you planning on kissing under that?" she asked, amused at Neal's struggle to attach the bouquet without falling. Neal replied with a playful wink before getting down and putting his chair back by his desk. He smoothed his hair, straightened his tie and pulled his jacket back into place before coughing aloud to get everyone's attention.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" he announced. "I have a Christmas proposition for you all." He continued to the now-attentive agents. "Whosoever shall cross beneath this fine mistletoe, I shall —for a sum—give my best kiss!" Laughter started to spread around the room. "What say you to $50 apiece?"

"I'm in!" said Diana immediately, pulling out her wallet. "You promise you'll go through with it regardless of who it is?" she demanded.

"Of course, fair lady," Neal replied with a low sweeping bow before her. "You yourself shall get to determine when the clock starts."

Diana laughed in delight, circling the room collecting everyone's cash while Neal leaned casually against his desk, legs stretched out in front, hands in his pockets. When Diana was finished she handed Neal a sizable wad of money. "Okay, lover boy," she said, "It had better be your best smooch, no pecks on the cheek allowed!" she warned.

"As the fair lady commands," Neal replied, raising his fedora to her.

"Oh, I'm going to enjoy this!" Jones laughed. "Come on, Diana, when does he start?" he asked.

"Let's see," Diana mused, putting her finger to her cheek in mock concentration. The other agents started to gather around her desk, giggling like sixth graders. "Neal, you will kiss the third person to walk through the door, no exceptions!" she said with conviction. Neal nodded in agreement and positioned himself nearer to the door. He got out his lip balm and applied it liberally, much to everyone's amusement. The whole of the White Collar Crime Unit seemed to have perched themselves around the room in excited expectation.

Just then the elevator button in the hall dinged and the room fell silent.

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

"Okay, Caffrey!" Diana said with relish. "This is the point of no return. You welsh on this and you pay us back double!"

Neal snorted in disgust. "Diana, you offend me. I am a man of my word!" He placed his hand on his heart, nursing his wounded honor.

Diana threw her head back and laughed. "May God have mercy on you, Neal Caffrey!"

The elevator doors opened and out walked Peter and his boss, Assistant Director Hughes, deep in conversation. Laughter broke out in the Unit and both men looked up shocked to find everyone staring at them. They had just recovered their composure when the other elevator dinged and a collective gasp went up as all the agents now stared at the other doors. Unable to ignore what was going on, Peter and Hughes looked around to see who was exiting the other elevator. OPR Agent Nancy Lindeman emerged, starting in surprise at the department gathering that was now fully focused on her.

She heard a communal groan and then all was hushed as everyone fixed their attention on Neal. Peter and Hughes also turned toward the hapless con man, who resembled a very pitiful deer caught in headlights. Neal's eyes widened in unconcealed horror and his mouth fell open. Panicked, he cast a glance around the room at his colleagues who, as a one, dropped their gaze to the floor. An awkward silence ensued. "Diana …" Neal stumbled, "... please…?"

Agent Lindeman was universally disliked by the White Collar agents. She loathed Neal and he had never been able to win her over with his charm, no matter how hard he tried. If anything, their mutual antagonism had escalated whenever they crossed paths, and was currently at an all-time high. She had been a thorn in his side for the past three years. She was exceptionally jealous of the ever-growing approval rating the White Collar Crime Unit was receiving throughout the FBI since Neal had joined them and sent their already admirable case-closure rate soaring. Whenever possible she had thrown up roadblocks for Neal, interviewing him excessively for any hint of recidivism. She was a common bully, and like all bullies, she abused her power over those lower down the ladder and brown-nosed those above. The last time she was involved in an altercation with Neal, Peter had had to physically intervene when he thought that they might actually come to blows.

Peter watched Neal pleading with Diana, who was looking similarly shocked. Neal's face had gotten so pale, and he swayed unsteadily for a moment. Jones moved beside him and clasped his arm to steady him. Just as it crossed Peter's mind that perhaps Neal was about to faint, he heard Hughes' authoritative voice cut through the silence. "What the hell is going on here?" It was clear that Agent Lindeman's appearance had upset everyone, but he was baffled as to why. He was well aware of their general dislike of her—indeed he shared it—but this reaction seemed excessive. The OPR agent huffed beside him and he turned to her questioningly. "Are you here to see me, Agent Lindeman?" he asked courteously.

"As a matter of fact I am. Reese. I had some questions regarding the Walker case."

"Well, be my guest," he replied and, always the gentleman, he opened the door for her and stepped back to allow her to enter ahead of him. She swept through the entrance to the White Collar Crime Unit and proceeded toward Hughes' office, as he followed with a scowl, in her wake.

A clearly audible sigh went through the entire gathering as they walked through the bullpen. Hughes shook his head, as he turned back look at Peter. He had realized, too late, that he had inadvertently let the door fall behind him and he checked to see that he hadn't clocked Peter in the face with it. Peter was still standing in the hall looking completely bewildered.

Now that Agent Lindeman and Hughes were ascending the stairs to Hughes' office there was a marked change in the atmosphere. The relief was palpable. Neal started to laugh, followed by Diana, who swung the door open for Peter with a wide grin spreading across her face. "Boss, welcome. I am SO glad to see you; please, allow me," as she gestured for him to come in. Peter gave her a puzzled look as he cautiously stepped through the door, backing away from her and into Neal who had moved behind him. As he turned around to see who he had bumped into, Neal shot him a grin that looked positively evil. As applause rang out from the other agents in the room, Neal literally swept the Special Agent into his arms. He clasped one arm around Peter's waist and put his other hand behind his neck, pulling him into a passionate kiss.

Peter stumbled backward, aghast, flinging his arms out in surprise. Neal kept him firmly in his grip while Peter helplessly waved his hands back and forth in a "No, no, no" gesture. The clapping, now with much cheering and whistling added, continued until Neal finally let him go. Peter stared at Neal, horrified, and then around the room at the jubilant agents. He looked up at Hughes who was shaking his head in amusement. Amid the ruckus Hughes had noticed the mistletoe and put two and two together. He felt sorry for Peter but realized things could have turned out far worse for Neal. Agent Lindeman stood beside him, her face like thunder. Hughes simply shrugged and gestured her into his office, closing the door behind them.

As the laughter subsided, Neal sat down at his desk, the other agents following suit. Peter was vigorously wiping his mouth with his handkerchief. While doing so he caught sight of the mistletoe. Sighing loudly he turned and walked up to his office. As he reached the top of the stairs, he leaned over the balcony and gave Neal the two-fingered 'come here' wave. "Neal, a word in my office, now!" He went into his office and sat behind his desk watching Neal as he walked through the bullpen smirking. Diana whistled at him as he passed, noticing that Neal casually dropped a twenty dollar bill on Jones' desk as he went by.

Once in Peter's office, his confidence wavered somewhat and Neal quietly sat down, tucking his hands neatly under his crossed legs, looking at Peter sheepishly. Peter, in stark contrast, put his hands on the desk, leaning forward for emphasis and fixed Neal with a stern glare. "So exactly how much did you make with your shenanigans?"

Neal's expression brightened, and he shot Peter his best smile. "Eight hundred!" he announced proudly.

Peter gasped, askance. It was an impressive haul for one kiss. "And tell me, Neal, what do I get out of this, now that you have sexually exploited me in front of all of my co-workers?" he asked, a smile starting to play on his lips.

"A beer?" Neal tried hopefully.

"Out!" Peter ordered as he pointed to the door.

Neal got up and walked toward the door. Hearing the snickering from downstairs, he spun on his heels to face Peter. "I forgot to ask," he added with a smug grin, "Domestic or imported?"

"Go!" bellowed Peter as Neal hightailed it out of the office.

THE END – Happy Holidays!


End file.
